Despite much publicity to the contrary there are still people out there becoming engaged and thinking of getting married. Generally speaking I believe this is a good thing. However, I wonder sometimes if such couples have really considered the implications of what they are doing. After all, marriage is intended to be a lifetime commitment to another person, in sickness and in health.
Well, people say, when you are “in love” you think you can face and overcome anything that may come your way. Now I am all for couples being “in love” before they get married. But that very exciting state of mind and heart can cloud their vision of the needs and practicalities of life. Unconscious ignorance and lack of wisdom can get in the way of couples’ seeing their relationship clearly. They can unknowingly commit to marriages that will predictably be marked by struggles, stress and even heart-break.
However, the path to a painful or tragic marriage is often avoidable with just a little for-thought and consultation. Here are some things to pay attention to, as warning signs, before saying “I do”:
Never marry someone with a view to changing them; it doesn’t work. I’m not saying people never change. I am saying this kind of planned change, within a marriage relationship, almost never works. If there are possible issues with drinking, drugs, playing away from home, lying or conflicting ethical values, then it is these that you are marrying, not a person to be reformed. Please face the facts. Marrying someone with a view to saving them from something is not a good plan, and I predict it will lead to probable failure and heartache.
Second warning sign: Addictions and unhealthy living will not be corrected by marriage. If your proposed partner has issues in these areas and they are unwilling to face them and work through them, you are heading for pain in your life together. Choose someone who has worked these issues through already, and if the person concerned is you, please do the same yourself.
Another warning sign: If someone claims to love you, but does not respect you, they are not being truthful. For example, if your proposed partner does not treat your family and friends with courtesy and honour, they are not respecting you. Also, if - against your wishes - they expect you to have sex with them before you are married, to prove that you love them, they are speaking from their hormones rather than their heart. They should respect your wishes.
Girls, getting pregnant in the hope it will make your guy stay with you rarely, if ever, works. There are always problems up the road. Also, having children in the hope of consolidating a rocky marriage is like using a child to repair a faulty relationship. It’s manipulation. You are worth being chosen for you. Don’t try to control someone into a relationship this way. It is likely to come back later and bite you very badly.
Guys, the way this girl treats her father is probably the way she will treat you when you are married: Observe and take note. Girls, the way your proposed partner treats his mother is probably how he will treat you when you are married: Be warned. Though there are exceptions to this guideline, if your proposed shows disrespect to father or mother, they are likely to do the same with you. Respect is essential for your relationship to be fruitful, loving and free.
Final warning: If your proposed partner is not open to the feedback and counsel of wise and more experienced people around you, they are unwise or too proud. Be wise yourself, you are about to take one of the most important decisions of your life. Not seeking and listening to advice from those with more wisdom and experience does not bode well for your future together. Be teachable.
|Being powerful is like being a lady, if you have to tell people you are, then you aren't.||Margaret Thatcher|
|The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but God will make us good because he loves us.||C S Lewis|
|Fear is misplaced faith.||Kris Vallotton|
|God has already seen every mistake, every failure and every weakness, and the good news is he's already forgiven you. He is not holding it against you.||Joel Osteen|
|God is not nearly so interested in changing your circumstances as he is in changing you.||Joyce Meyer|
|Pray, and let God worry||Martin Luther|
|Those who never change their mind never change anything.||Winston Churchill|
|What you do (for a living) is not who you are.||Celia Apeagyei-Collins|
|People who write you off when you fail know nothing about history and even less about life. No person ever fully succeeds until they fully fail.||Lance Wallnau|
|There is no uncreated being except God. God has no opposite. Satan, the leader or dictator of devils, is the opposite, not of God, but of Michael.||C S Lewis|
|He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.||Jim Elliot|
|You never know how much you really believe anything until it's truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life or death to you.||C S Lewis|
|If you know you are loved, faith is easy. It's easy to trust someone you know loves you.||David Forster|
|Every moment that you spend upset, despaired, anguished, angry, afraid or hurt, because of the behaviour of someone else in your life, is a moment in which you have given up control of your life.||Unknown|
|Remember, you do not have to live today by how you feel, nor by what you think about yourself, nor by what someone else thinks about you. The person who created you thinks you are wonderful, and he waits with open arms for you to agree with him.||David Forster|
|Shift gears from doing something in God's presence to simply being in God's presence.||Lance Wallnau|
|Your future doesn't depend on what is in front of you, it depends on who is in you.||Lance Wallnau|
|Did you know that you are utterly and completely loved by God, without doing a single thing, good or bad.||David Forster|
|no one knows how bad they are until they have tried very hard to be good..||C S Lewis|
|If we are living daily by faith, we will be constantly over our head; Beyond our ability to do this our that. We should all be in that place in some area of our life. If we are not, we will be like an old wineskin; too rigid and inflexible to receive the Lord's new wine.||Rick Joyner|
|For a believer intimacy with God is not an option, it's a necessity. Guidance and direction depend on this intimacy and sensitivity to Holy Spirit. There is no substitute for the latter.||Graham Cooke|
|Jesus reveals the Father to us. He gives us peace and rest. He is not a hard taskmaster.||David Forster|
|The God who creates everything, pursues you. Don't let anyone tell you you're are worth less than that.||Louie Giglio|
|In the kingdom, physical obedience brings spiritual release.||Bill Johnson|
|Don't be surprised if you pray for nearness to God and he sends a trial. Nearness always requires dependence.||Desiringgod.org|
|Our corporate worship doesn't meet a need in God, it meets a need in us.||Sam Storms|
|How you feel is not who you are. Feelings are great servants and terrible masters.||Kris Vallotton|
|There is a lot that is good in your life. Don't take it for granted. Don't get so focused on the struggle that you mis the gift of today.||Joel Osteen|
|The enemy commits identity theft when you believe you must earn what God freely gives.||Alison Brown|
|If you agree with your creator and receive what he freely gives, you will have serenity in your identity and confidence in your countenance.||David Forster|
|If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.||David Forster|
|A satisfying and exciting life organises around an identity focused on Jesus, not the church..||Graham Cooke|
|Satan cannot impose his will on anyone, he has to have our agreement.||Graham Cooke|
|Every day adjust yourself to where God is taking you, that is, toward the prophetic vision he has given you.||Lance Wallnau|
|Real faith is not faith in an outcome (of a particular situation or circumstance), it's faith in a person.||David Forster|
|Be in no doubt that God will redeem the losses and mistakes of your past life.||David Forster|
|God cannot give us happiness and peace apart from himself, because there is simply no such thing.||C S Lewis|
|Wealth, women and status; these are the major temptations that can draw a man away from God. Each is morally neutral; yet given the appropriate significance, each can control us.||David Forster|
|The devil's finest trick is to persuade you that he doesn't exist.||Anon|
|Fear is the enemy of love. The two cannot exist together. We have to choose daily: Fear or Love.||David Forster|
|You are not saved because of the quality of your faith. You are saved because of the object of your faith; The Redeemer!||Tim Keller|
|Revival goes from the bottom up; Reformation goes from the top down. Therefore reformation is institutional and revival is personal.||Lance Wallnau|
|Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.||Albert Einstein|
|Inner peace is key to experiencing God's presence. Rest is a weapon against the enemy||Graham Cooke|
|Fairy tales don't tell children that dragons exist. Children know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed.||G K Chesterton|
|When you are at peace with God, you will be at peace with yourself and with other people.||David Forster|
|You can believe in Christianity in the same way you believe that the sun has risen; Firstly, because you see it and secondly because by it you see everything else.||C S Lewis|
|A little while ago I became old enough to start believing in fairy tales again. This means there are far better things ahead of me then what I have left behind.||C S Lewis|
|Your unfinished destiny is your most potent argument with death.||Graham Cooke|
|I am not focused on what I am not, I am focused on what he is for me.||David Forster|